Ben Williams - Mocking what I want and looking good doing it!

Blogging

2005-09-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, bloggings boring and too much work. Havent done it in awhile and don't plan to. Blog won't get closed but I won't be blogging unless I get really bored. So goodbye people (never thought I'd last this long)

A lesson

2005-09-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boysbegan to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw theopportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Kevin turned to hisyounger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

What is God?

2005-08-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

Once there was a little boy. He was curious about God so he went and asked his mother. "Mommy, is God a man or a woman?"
His mother replied, "God is both a man and a woman."
"Mommy, is God black or white?"
His mother replied, "God is both black andwhite.
"Mommy, is God gay or straight?"
His mother was somewhat shocked at his question, but she answered anyway, "God is both gay and straight."
Thelittle boy nodded with understanding. "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"

My 100th Post

2005-08-09T14:09:00.000-07:00

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her andapproached them.
"What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says weshould stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the firststone."
Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad...," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a pointhere!"

Yay God (the sequel)

2005-08-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

I received an email today asking what was Yay God and I guess I should have gone over that. Yay God is a youth group for kids from grade 5ish-7ish (pretty much people shorter then me) and will be up again during the school year. We meet at Hatzic Secondary and play few shorts such as floor hockey, soccer, touch football, basketball, volleyball, dodgeball and basically any sport with the word ball in it. After that we have sacks (a.k.a sugar) and have a talk. Don't ask me why we give them sweets before the quiet talk... not my department. So along with the website that I, Ben the magnificent, has created there will also be a mailing list. Anyone who's interested in the mailing list or wants so more information can contact at b_williams_3@hotmail.com.

Yay God

2005-08-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

Inform the little ones! Yay God will soon be undergoing major changes. First of all theres a website.

letter from camp

2005-08-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom and Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are Okay. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break. He doesn't care if we get dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.

I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to gets things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Chris

111 seconds

2005-07-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.addictinggames.com/labyrinth.html

Facts

2005-07-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

-In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage.
-You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
-In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.
-It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.
-The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old.
-13 people each year are killed by Vending Machine's falling on them.
-More than 2500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products.
-It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.
-At - 40 degrees Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.
-You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching T.V.
-The yo-yo was originally a weapon used in the Philippine jungles.
-If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
-Kermit the Frog has 11 points on his collar around his neck.
-Coca-cola was originally green.
-Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
-Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
-Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
-On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
-The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
-To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.

100 Years Ago

2005-07-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

-The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
-Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
-Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
-There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
-The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
-With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.
-The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
-The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour.
-The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
-A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.
-More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.
-Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.
-Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." Sugar cost four cents a pound.
-Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
-Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.
-The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke.
-The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
-Drive-by-shootings, in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy, were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
-The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
-Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet.
-Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
-There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
-One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
-Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
-Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide, which was thought to diminish sexual desire,into the woman's drinking water.
-Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.
-Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
-Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.
-Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

Ken... post?

2005-07-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

Good golly, Kenneth FINALLY BLOGGED SOMETHING! and its actually is pretty good.

Argument

2005-07-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

The university professor challenged his students with this question.

"Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil".

The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist! According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460° F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color.

You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day.

It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name --- Albert Einstein

Gossip Hurts

2005-07-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

"The How" is Back in Town

2005-07-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

My grandpa Howie is in town (sweeeeeeet) and I couldn't be happier. Yesterday, being the stud that I most certainly am, had a girl over and what are the odds grandpa would start flirting with her... oh grandpa! Your such a heart-thob, but sorry ladies he's taken.

Done Some Serious thinking

2005-07-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

I had a friend over recently and we were talking about missionary work and it got me thinking. Theres this guy, you may have heard of, named Tony Campolo who said "I don't know how your theology works, but if Jesus has a choice between stained glass windows and feeding starving kids in Haiti , I have a feeling he'd choose the starving kids in Haiti." When I read this I thought to myself "How self centered am I!" I honestly can't believe how little I've done with my life. Tony also says "Don't be satisfied with just pumping blood." And I'm not. I'm sick and tired of all this meaningless crap I have that I could use to do so much more. If I won the lottery, would I spend it on myself, or do something drastic that could change the lifes of so many people. When I look at people like Bono or our boy Tony I just find it upsetting that I can't... that I don't do something a little bit more.

My favorite quote

2005-07-08T00:27:00.000-07:00

Going into a Church doesn't make you a christian anymore then going into a garage makes you a car.

Damage

2005-07-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

There was a boy who had such a temper. His father went to the boy and said "Everytime you loose your temper I want you to take a nail and hammer it into that fence." The boy agreed to do it and went away. The first day this boy nailed 36 nails, then a little less, and then a little less. Eventually the boy went to his father and said "Daddy! I didn't nail at all today." then father watched and after a few days the boy still hadn't used any nails. His father went to him and told him to remove a nail each day he didn't loose his temper. After all the nails were removed the dad said "Look at the holes in the fence. Everytime you do something wrong and ask for forgiveness the damage is still there."

Jesus at the Gate

2005-07-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

As you know St.Peter guards the gates of heaven. One day he needed to pee,as you do,so he asked Jesus to guard the gates for a while,and Jesus being a very kind and willing man said he would. After a while a man appeared and started to walk towards Jesus. When the man got to the gates Jesus thought he looked very familiar. He was an old man with a beard. Jesus asked-"I don't mean to be nosey sir,but did you have any children?" The man replies-"Yes,one son,but he died,he had nails put through him." "And what did you work as?" "I was a carpenter" Jesus says-"Father?" The man says-"Pinnochio?".

Horoscope

2005-06-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

Aquarius

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus

Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus

You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus

You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

Gemini

Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence

Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer

The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud

Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo

Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no

Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo

All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you

Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

Libra

A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you

Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio

Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window

Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius

All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)

Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn

The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying

If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

For more detail, listen to "Your Horoscope for today" by Weird Al Yankovic.

A Sons Nightmare

2005-06-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!

She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

Gods Email

2005-06-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of his best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, he thought for a moment and thought maybe he'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good."

God said this was not good. So he decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going....

Do you know what that e-mail said?... Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.

4 Sons

2005-06-27T22:01:00.000-07:00

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

The "eight" days of creation

2005-06-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

On the first day God brought light

On the second day, God formed the atmosphere

On the third day, God changed the shape of the earth's surface

On the fourth day, God put the sun, the moon and stars into their orbit.

On the fifth day of Creation, God made the life that moves in the oceans, lakes and rivers. Then He filled the sky with an assortment of colorful birds

On the sixth day, God set about creating animals to fill the land

On the seventh day, God rested from His labor

And on the eighth day God created beer so Canadians wouldn't take over the world

New blogger

2005-06-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

We have have a new blogger among us. Check out Nicole Woolner's new blog.

Mixing

2005-06-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

I think that we should mix people that would never ordinarily go together.

Hindu & Jew = Baby Hinjews
Italian & Jamaicans = Baby Pastaferions
Ice Lander & Cuban = Baby Ice cubes
Germen & Newfie = Baby Goofies
French & Greek = Baby Freaks